Back in my hometown after an extended stay away. I wasn't going to come back ever...but I decided to finish up my Masters Degree and then move away to do my PhD. It's weird and a little scary to be back. It's all familiar yet unfamiliar at the same time. I'm not sure how I'll do here. I know now that I'm stronger than I was before, but I still have those nagging doubts and worries that I'll slip up and go back to my old life, that I'll screw up again. But, I can't let that happen. I'm in constant battle with myself to fight against urges, emotional urges that make me feel tied to that life and a particular person who was a part of that life. If I do that my life will be over though, I will be unable to recover and I know that. I will permanently become everything I don't want to be and I will suffer for it.
So I'm here and I'm apprehensive about my future because I have to fight harder than I'veever fought before to keep my life on track. I guess we'll see where life takes me and where I allow myself to go.
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