Him

I was in love. Recently. Still am. But it can never be. Because no matter what would come about, the events of the past can never be overcome.

I loved a man. A man who lied to me repeatedly from day one. A man who, the first time we stopped talking called me an "ugly duckling" and told me he'd rather have fucked my roommate. A man who won back my affections but then proceeded to lie to me even further. A man who was living with the mother of his child when he was seeing me. Who on top of that got himself another girlfriend. Who brought that girlfriend to my house without telling me who she was, but letting us figure it out. Who broke my heart into a million pieces over and over again with escapade after escapade with one girl after the other. Who had me join his crazy world. Who would use everything I said or did against me. Who tried to fuck one of my best friends while I was in the room. Who got me pregnant and never believed me when I told him I was (I miscarried). Who still is somehow in my heart and mind in spite of all this.

I know I sound crazy for loving him. And honestly, I am to entrenched in this to know what he sounds like here. I wish I could shut off the parts of my mind and heart that can't let him go, that can't move on, because I feel like no matter what I do...he's there.