my life

I'm still in school and working hard. I'm living my life too. Living it up in some ways. I'm happy and not at the same time. I'm happy because I'm getting some of the things I want and need. I'm not exactly sure how much to divulge because in all honesty, I don't know who's reading this...and I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea about me.

But like I said, I'm happy and I'm not at the same time. Same old conflicted feelings, but in different circumstances. I feel great things right now. I feel like there are opportunities in front of me. And I feel good in the fact that I am in control of things.

Ok...this is all sounding too vague and that I'm dancing around the issue. There's a guy. Not a boyfriend or anything like that...at least not for the time being. But there is a guy. A guy who makes me feel something. Something real and something good. And I feel satisfied in ways that I haven't for a while. But the truth of the matter too is that we're not in a relationship, and that saddens me to a certain extent. I mean, we're both free to do as we please with other people, but I have no desire to do so with other people. I'm stuck in a shady ambiguous middle ground and I'm not sure which way I want it to go sometimes. Cut it off or try to propel it into something else. I guess I'm just torn and conflicted, and damaged a bit from previous experiences.

I can't trust anyone anymore. At least not for the moment. Especially not men. I really like this guy, maybe even more than that, but I don't know what to do right now. I guess I'll just keep thinking it over and trying to figure everything out. I'm back, in a way, to being the stupidest smart girl alive.