What to say? What to do?

A question for all you people out there...if anyone's reading this at all...have you ever done something that you knew you shouldn't...but it felt so good that you did it anyway? Maybe it made you feel powerful...or just stronger...or maybe just a little bit naughty...whatever the feeling may be, it just felt good?

I seem to have way too many of those moments in my life. Things that feel good at the time, but then later on down the road, they end up leading to trouble. A lot of times too, I know ahead of time that trouble will inevitably follow, but I don't care. Maybe I'm too impulsive, but at the same time, life is a series of moments and if you're happy in the moment, living for that moment, can you really ask for anything more?

Sure, considering the consequences is important, and it is definitely the more mature thing to do, especially for someone who is as smart as I am and can easily anticipate the outcome of nearly everything. But, if I were to get hit by a bus and die tomorrow, would I want to have denied myself something I truly wanted or needed just because I was afraid of what might happen later? It's a tough question to answer because there is good logic for either side of the argument, and I am one who has a hard time choosing sides on this.

I can say that if I knew what the results of my actions would be, I would have done things differently, or at least I can say that I should have done things differently. But, in truth, I don't think I would take anything back. I got too much joy and pleasure out of a lot of what I did to go back and take that out of my life, no matter how much bad stuff followed. Maybe that isn't the right thing to say, but it is the truth. I may not be happy with everything that happened to me, but at the same time, I am glad in a way that it all happened.

What would I rather have-a calm, mature boring life with very few worthwhile memorable moments? Or a life that is dramatic at times, and maybe full of immature moments but that is entirely memorable and wild? I think I'll side with the drama and the wildness anyday. I want to be able to look back on my life one day and say that I really lived. That I did things, that I saw things, that I knew interesting people and I did interesting things (and maybe people too-- ;-) ). At the end of my life I don't want to regret passing up the opportunity to live because I was scared or tired or hurt.