Why?

Why is it so hard to let go of something that was so bad? It hurts to be without him. I'm not sure if that pain is any worse than how much it hurt to be with him...but it's pretty damn bad. I don't know why. I wish he were different. I wish he were the man I had built him up to be in my mind instead of the boy who he was in reality. He destroyed my life, and who I am. I don't know if I'm ever going to fully recover. Maybe I'll never be whole again.