New Year

Ringing in the New Year....alone with my thoughts, wishing he was here to ring it in with me...and alternately wishing that I could just have a do over of last year...there are a lot of things that I'd do differently. And only a few that I would do the same.

I love him so much, but I really don't know how this is going to work.  If we stay together 2012 will certainly be a test for me...of will power, of strength, of tolerance...of whether or not I will be able to put my foot down once and for all to get my needs met or walk away, to be willing to make the demands that are necessary. And to follow through on what I ask for. We'll see.

For  now I sit with tears in my eyes and sadness in my heart. Not the best way to start a new year but it is cleansing in a way. Hope to hear his voice tomorrow, to start my year on the right foot, but if I have to start it 100% alone, I suppose I'll live. After all, all the shit that's happened so far hasn't stopped me yet, I always perservere. I guess there's that.