How I'm feeling now

I started this blog as a way to post the rough draft of a period in my life that has shaped me in immeasurable ways, that tested my faith in myself and in the world, that nearly killed me emotionally and probably could have physically if I had allowed it to go on. While I am beginning to realize the benefits of the experience and knowledge I acquired during this time, I also cannot seem to get past the parts that make me feel ashamed, that make me want to weep. I suppose that's only natural at this point, I'm not even a month-removed from it all. But the truth is, I want to post it all, in all the gory details, but at the same time I'm afraid of the world knowing the truth, my truth. I suppose this fear is natural, fear of repercussions teamed with the fear of humiliation, but I'm going to fight through it no matter what. i can't allow this story to go untold, and I can't wait to write it. I need it to be fresh in my memory or even more of the details will be lost.

At the moment, I do not have the next chapter of the story complete, but I do have this...the man who caused all of this trouble in my life sent me an e-mail yesterday, and it decidedly got under my skin, especially the part where he called me a c***. But more than that, just the fact that he's in contact in such a way got to me, made me think about him. And last night he haunted my dreams like a spirit out for vengeance, determined to ruin my life, to take away my progress and drag me back into the hell of life with him. He was all I could think about today too, everywhere I turned there was a reminder of him...music, restaurants, movies, anything and everything. And so...these words came to mind tonight while I was fighting back tears at awful memories of my recent past...here goes:

demonic rage-black ink
possession golden sweet

silken energies club-beaten

wind-torn flesh

burning faces inside

pawnshop pushers piccolo

aching house dread-ridden

foul summonings medium-rare

broken saints seance

dead into the soul