Even if no one ever reads my blog (or any of my other written musings), at least I put it out there, at least I'm trying. My mind is always so filled with thoughts and ideas that I could never manage to get them all out even if I tried. But, that being said, it certainly doesn't hurt to try. Maybe dedicating my life to the written word is silly and frivolous, but I guess what I have to say to that is, what isn't frivolous in this world?
I was convinced for several months that everything I ever loved and dedicated my life to was worthless and pointless. Basically I was told that if it didn't teach me how to make a large amount of money extremely fast, it wasn't worthwhile. I, in turn, was worthless as well because I was not equipped with the "street" skills he had nor did I think in the manner that he did.
He had a mind filled with half-cocked schemes and dreams of money, money and more money. I had a literary mind filled with wild stories and fantastic characters. I dreamt of fighting windmills with Don Quijote, dating vampires with Sookie Stackhouse and Bella Swan, and toying with people's lives with Celestina. Beautiful words and witty turns of phrase brought light to my eyes. I smiled and cried along with my favorite characters and authors.
But because these things that so enlivened me were deemed worthless by the man I loved, I abandoned them completely. And from that moment on, darkness enveloped my life and my heart suffered. Literature had been my soul, and without it I was a zombie going through the motions of life. All this I did in the name of two things a man I loved and money. The money never came...well, in actuality it did, but the man who had stolen both my heart and soul also stole my money and any money that came in from our endeavors that strictly adhered to his rules of life (i.e. money at all costs, nothing was off-limits and nothing was too extreme if it made you cash fast).
So moneyless and soulless, I persistently continued down my path of destitution in the name of love of bad man who didn't deserve my love, and even less my money and my soul. But eventually that situation self-combusted as it had always been destined to do. And from the ashes, I rose again like the phoenix, and one of the first things I did was pick up a book and start reading again (Drown by Junot Diaz if you were interested), and then I picked up a pen and started jotting down notes. The keyboard became like a new best friend to me, someone to share my thoughts and stories with. And slowly my soul came back. Now, I no longer feel like a zombie. I am whole again, I am human again.
Furthermore, I have a thought of my own about my passion, well, one of my passions. Literature and writing are not frivolous at all. In fact, the written word is, in my humble opinion, the pinnacle of achievement for the human race. Imagine humanity if no one had started to record their histories on cave walls and tablets. Imagine where we'd be without Homer and Shakespeare, Dostoyevsky and Cervantes, Richard Wright and Virginia Woolf. If no one had ever written, we'd have no film, no music, no literature, no history...humanity would cease to exist as we know it.
Literature is in no way, shape, or form worthless. You can learn so much from literature...history, culture, perception, perspective, philosophy, and the list goes on and on. e can learn life lessons via the turmoils characters go through. We can experience great adventures and great sorrows vicariously through the written word. There's nothing in the world like it.
So, as a woman who's soul has been stripped away from her and who has fought to restore it (who is still fighting for it), I say this. Never let anyone convince you that what you love is worthless, because it is the equivalent of allowing them to deem you worthless! And nobody in this world can afford to feel that way. And even more nobody has the right to make you feel that way.
Nobody is worthless if they have a passion in this life and they dedicate themselves to it. My passions happen to include the study of and indulgence in literature, film, and music. Whatever yours may be...engineering, philosophy, art, medicine, education, culinary arts, welding, sales, anything...always stick to what you love. That is the only way to be successful. That is the only way to truly be yourself. Who cares if you make tons of money if you're miserable doing it. Love and passion are the most important things in life. Love who you are, love what you do. And never let anyone make you feel the way he made me feel.
So my truth is this. I love literature, I love film, and I love music. I love academia and teaching. This is what I want to do with my life...write, teach and live literature, film, and music. So that's exactly what I intend to do. There's no way someone is ever going to convince me to abandon my passions or my soul again.
No comments:
Post a Comment