Day One

Well, he gave me enough of my stuff back to be okay. I got my TV, and my movies. And I got him out of my life. Problem is, his dilapidated piece of garbage wrecked car is still at my house. Well, in the parking lot of my apartment building. Every time I walk outside, I see him because of that car. I guess I just need time to get over him, but I don't want his crap around as a reminder either. I'm not sure there's anything I can do about it because I am NOT allowing myself to contact him anymore. If I do, I'm just going to fall back into the same trap I was in before. And honestly, I want to text message him so bad, and I've gone to do it over and over and over today...sometimes out of habit and other times out of weakness, but I have stopped myself every time...even before I started typing. Because when I moved away, I was still in contact with him, and that's why I never actually got over any of it.

He never loved me. He never respected me. And I sure as hell deserve better than a man who treats me like shit...who thinks he's smarter than me when he can't even spell does ("dose") or exactly ("exxacally"). Anyway, this is the first day that I have been completely out of contact with him. Not even an attempt to contact him. And it was hard but easy at the same time. It's nice not to be on call, to feel rejected when he puts me off (as it turns out because he was with another girl), to always know that he's doing something hurtful and saying something hurtful behind my back. I'm sad in a lot of ways, but I keep getting sad about the horrible things he did to me. I'm not sad that I ended it. That's what's weird. I'm sad because I'm processing all the shit he did to me and kicking myself for letting it continue as long as I did. I'm sad for wasting my time, energy, money, etc...on a worthless piece of trash. I'm sad because I let my life get derailed over and over again for this loser. He is scum. He's a worthless person who refuses to work for anything for himself, who uses people and takes what they have instead of accomplishing anything himself. I could go into a deep psychological analysis of him right now, but am too tired.

Day One Sans Josh: Successful

Wish me luck on Day Two!