Still holding on...

I'm managing to keep it together. It's pretty hard, and I keep wanting to go running back and apologize and try to get everything to go back the way it was...but then I realize that I hated the way it was...and I miss not him, but the idea I had of him...this version of him I had formulated in my mind...a good person, a person with a heart, a person with a soul. He is not that person...he has proven that time and again, in so many different ways. And so I stop in my tracks, realize what I'm doing, and regroup. It happens hundreds of time a day, and hopefully soon it will be less frequent. I will be able to go fifteen minutes without thinking about him...and then an hour, then an afternoon, then an entire day, and so on and so forth. I just need to make a conscious effort to focus myself on other things.

For now my motivation is a reworking of the famous Ivanka Trump phrase, "Don't get mad, get everything." Well in this case, it's more like "Channel your anger into something productive, and become a fabulous success in the world." Success is the best revenge against a guy who's main goal in your entire relationship was to drag you down and destroy you. He may have cared about me at some point...I know I believed it at one point...but now, whether he cared or not isn't the issue. He's not worth it. He's so far beneath me he may as well have burrowed into the Earth's core. And the funniest part about the whole thing is he had me convinced temporarily that the situation was the reverse...that I was the one beneath him. (Oh, Sandy don't make me laugh. Ha ha ha). Whatever. He knows as well as I do that I am heads and tails above any girl he knows. I hope to see the day that he truly gets what's coming to him. Karma's a bitch...even more of one than me. And when he gets his comeuppance, it'll be a good day for all women.